Five things new spouses of cops should know, according to Aram Choe

Aram Choe by is licensed under
Aram Choe is a long-time law enforcement officer, a university professor, a social media influencer, and host of the popular 911Strong Podcast.

He has been advocating for police nationwide for years and continues to be a voice for law enforcement during a time when it is desperately needed. 

He can be found on Instagram posting about anything and everything law enforcement-related. Old photos, snippets of advice, Bible excerpts, and even LEO job postings are some of the things he’ll post for his Instagram audience of over 93K followers. 

One of his recent posts offered five pieces of advice for new spouses of cops...And he was spot on. 

And if you’re a new spouse of an officer, you should read and heed this advice as it perfectly captures the reality of life as a law enforcement officer. 

1.    Holidays are just another day on the calendar. In the course of your career, you will work on holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, and your children's events. Let your spouse and children know that it can and will happen from time to time. 

2.    Sometimes we want to talk and sometimes we don’t. We’re bound to have bad days and even though it’s therapeutic and healthy to talk about it, we may not want to about it until we’re ready to. Let your spouse know it’s not personal, but sometimes we need time to process what just happened. 

3.    When cops are off-duty, they really aren’t. Hypervigilance is a trained and learned practice and for most cops, it only turns off when we sleep. Get used to holding his off-gun hand. Cops will hone in on a perceived threat while you’re mid-conversation and completely block out what you’re saying. Don’t take it personally. 

4.    Playing the politics. You married a cop, but the office politics are ever present. What you say and post on social media, at church, or at the gym also reflects on your cop spouse. Be cognizant of what opinions you make in public.

5.    Get used to sleeping alone. Cops scheduled hours and days off vary. They change from time to time and there’s no guarantee your cop will be on the same sleep schedule you are on. You might even have a daytime sleep room for your spouse if he or she works at night. 

This advice for new spouses of cops helpful and incredibly accurate. And Aram’s followers agree. 

@Chriscindy9 commented: “This is so spot on. My wife and had been married for some time before I became a cop. My mother, also a cop wife gave her some of these very same tips. It did her well through a 2 year career. Tip number 3 never leaves your cop even after retirement. Thanks for sharing.”

@kninelvr16 commented: “Every one of these are spot on!!! My husband has been retired 6 years, after a great 34-year career. He’s still ‘a cop’”

@caffeinated_reefer commented: “Married mine halfway through the academy. We learned together. Good tips! Learn to be supportive and flexible. Goes a long way.”

The simple truth is that there is no job quite like being a police officer. It’s a balancing act on every level. Cops must balance family and work stressors, often toxic management, a volatile political climate, and whatever else comes along. 

So if you are a new spouse of a cop, following Aram Choe’s 5 tips will help you cope with the reality of being a cop family. And that’s the key to a healthy balance. 


Follow Aram Choe on IG @911strong


Writer Eddie Molina is a veteran and has over 25 years of combined LEO/military service. He owns and operates the apparel company

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The opinions reflected in this article are not necessarily the opinions of LET
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There is no tougher position than that of the spouse of a police officer. I feel your pain.


There is no tougher position than that of the spouse of a police officer. I feel your pain.

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