Submitted by Brian Mc Vey
Being present with others means more than being there physically; your mind must be present, too. Many officers work overtime and side jobs to pay their bills, and seemingly never get a day off; a clue that one is living beyond their means. Many officers are working in short-staffed departments and overtime “OT” is always an available temptation.
They say the money is good, however, their spouse often has a different take and would rather have them home more. Take a day off! Give yourself, your spouse, and gift your family with your presence. If you can’t afford a day off; you are living beyond your means.
Stop spending! Your family needs you more than the money if your finances are in proper order.
Some law enforcement officers develop a disordered dedication to the job that leads to neglect of more important things, family, and appropriate stress management. Have you ever said this, “I can’t believe they’re paying me to do this job?”
Face it, what is more fun, chasing a bad guy, using skills and power to subdue bad guys in the name of truth, justice, and the American way, or changing diapers, reading Cat in the Hat for the six-hundredth time, and listening to a spouse’s mundane, daily story?
As fun as the job is, cops on their deathbeds do not wish they would have made another felony, gun, or narcotics arrest; they regret not giving proper attention to loved ones and wish they would have focused on the family and relationships more.
The lure of the job is strong. Overcome it, or it will overwhelm you.
Are your priorities in order? Take this test to find out. WARNING: It takes guts to complete the test.
There are negative consequences for inconsistencies in the lists. Are the things you claim to highly value given high effort and/or time? If the lists do not match, you won’t need a crystal ball to see your future, just honesty with yourself.
Being divorced has taught me how precious my time is with my children. They must be my priority. Today’s culture is grooming children to be comfortable alone, in front of their screens, increasingly, both parents work and are exhausted when they need to be present for their children. Their devices groom them even more for unspeakable things.
Fathers must get off the couch and engage with their children. In this ever busy, evolving world, it would seem this should come naturally for most dads to give at the very heart of our human life. But some of us are damaged from our fathers and they are damaged from their fathers, and the cycle continues.
Perhaps it comes "naturally" in the sense that true love calls for our presence. But that does not mean it comes easy; it requires effort. Even when we love, we can still be distracted, and fail to ‘be there’ for loved ones in basic ways.
From the perspective of a husband who must spend a significant amount of time away from their wife and children, there is a simple exercise that has amazing fruits. If you are gone for the day or for a week, a simple note by the sink or nightstand with “I love you dear” or “I’m sorry” can go a long way.
Try NOT to use technology to send those types of messages. A handwritten note sends a more powerful and heartfelt message than a digital version. It engages you’re a loved ones in a special way.
I am grateful to have an incredible father that was present. My father taught my brothers and I the importance of being-present.
To my dad, being present meant we worked next to him most weekends painting parking lots. We not only learned to paint, but we also learned the benefit of going to bed early because we were going to be up before sunrise.
We learned math quickly by looking at the blueprints for those parking lots, we learned the city well traveling all over for these jobs without a phone or Google Maps.
It was a gift to be with him and understand hard work, while learning life lessons. He taught us the gift of being up before sunrise, we learned tremendous lessons about life while working with him. We learned what to do and what not to do.
After a long day of work, we would sit together and eat dinner as a family. Following dinner there was nights where we would watch a football, hockey, or basketball game together.
I am very grateful to my dad for being present.
"Being mindful isn't something you do one time and you're done," wrote Michelle Gale, author of Mindful Parenting in a Messy World “You have to practice in order to get good at it."
We don’t need research studies to prove that our phones and tablets are distracting us from basically everything, but here's what I didn't know: Kristen Race, Ph.D., founder of Mindful Life, an organization that trains parents, schools, and businesses to practice mindfulness says, “Just being around an electronic device can be detrimental. Even hearing a phone vibrate makes your brain go someplace else."
Try implementing these rules with your family today!
Dr. Race suggests starting small.
If you can’t make dinner, have a nighttime routine, whether it be reading to your kids before bed, or reviewing your day with your spouse.
Whatever is important to your family, turn it into a routine, so being more present with your family becomes a regular way of life. Also, be grateful. If you are not a believer in Jesus, simply take a moment for everyone at the table to give thanks for something in their day. It may stimulate a topic for discussion at dinner.
You must look for ways to carve out "airplane mode" for your family.
Again, most of us know that on your death bed, nobody will ask about how many arrests you made or how many awards you received.
Make moments now, give time to your family and create these moments that turn into incredible lifetime memories.
Being present with others means more than being there physically; your mind must be present, too. Many officers work overtime and side jobs to pay their bills, and seemingly never get a day off; a clue that one is living beyond their means. Many officers are working in short-staffed departments and overtime “OT” is always an available temptation.
They say the money is good, however, their spouse often has a different take and would rather have them home more. Take a day off! Give yourself, your spouse, and gift your family with your presence. If you can’t afford a day off; you are living beyond your means.
Stop spending! Your family needs you more than the money if your finances are in proper order.
Some law enforcement officers develop a disordered dedication to the job that leads to neglect of more important things, family, and appropriate stress management. Have you ever said this, “I can’t believe they’re paying me to do this job?”
Face it, what is more fun, chasing a bad guy, using skills and power to subdue bad guys in the name of truth, justice, and the American way, or changing diapers, reading Cat in the Hat for the six-hundredth time, and listening to a spouse’s mundane, daily story?
As fun as the job is, cops on their deathbeds do not wish they would have made another felony, gun, or narcotics arrest; they regret not giving proper attention to loved ones and wish they would have focused on the family and relationships more.
The lure of the job is strong. Overcome it, or it will overwhelm you.
Are your priorities in order? Take this test to find out. WARNING: It takes guts to complete the test.
- Write five things to which you assign high value in your personal value system, and one sentence explaining why each is valuable to you.
- What are the five things that consume the most time and/or effort in your life? Measure the hours spent in each activity, exercise, social with family, reading, internet, videogames, TV, etc.
- The job will be first on this list because, including travel, it is likely that sixty hours per week are used. Write the other four.
There are negative consequences for inconsistencies in the lists. Are the things you claim to highly value given high effort and/or time? If the lists do not match, you won’t need a crystal ball to see your future, just honesty with yourself.
Being divorced has taught me how precious my time is with my children. They must be my priority. Today’s culture is grooming children to be comfortable alone, in front of their screens, increasingly, both parents work and are exhausted when they need to be present for their children. Their devices groom them even more for unspeakable things.
Fathers must get off the couch and engage with their children. In this ever busy, evolving world, it would seem this should come naturally for most dads to give at the very heart of our human life. But some of us are damaged from our fathers and they are damaged from their fathers, and the cycle continues.
Perhaps it comes "naturally" in the sense that true love calls for our presence. But that does not mean it comes easy; it requires effort. Even when we love, we can still be distracted, and fail to ‘be there’ for loved ones in basic ways.
From the perspective of a husband who must spend a significant amount of time away from their wife and children, there is a simple exercise that has amazing fruits. If you are gone for the day or for a week, a simple note by the sink or nightstand with “I love you dear” or “I’m sorry” can go a long way.
Try NOT to use technology to send those types of messages. A handwritten note sends a more powerful and heartfelt message than a digital version. It engages you’re a loved ones in a special way.
I am grateful to have an incredible father that was present. My father taught my brothers and I the importance of being-present.
To my dad, being present meant we worked next to him most weekends painting parking lots. We not only learned to paint, but we also learned the benefit of going to bed early because we were going to be up before sunrise.
We learned math quickly by looking at the blueprints for those parking lots, we learned the city well traveling all over for these jobs without a phone or Google Maps.
It was a gift to be with him and understand hard work, while learning life lessons. He taught us the gift of being up before sunrise, we learned tremendous lessons about life while working with him. We learned what to do and what not to do.
After a long day of work, we would sit together and eat dinner as a family. Following dinner there was nights where we would watch a football, hockey, or basketball game together.
I am very grateful to my dad for being present.
"Being mindful isn't something you do one time and you're done," wrote Michelle Gale, author of Mindful Parenting in a Messy World “You have to practice in order to get good at it."
We don’t need research studies to prove that our phones and tablets are distracting us from basically everything, but here's what I didn't know: Kristen Race, Ph.D., founder of Mindful Life, an organization that trains parents, schools, and businesses to practice mindfulness says, “Just being around an electronic device can be detrimental. Even hearing a phone vibrate makes your brain go someplace else."
Try implementing these rules with your family today!
Dr. Race suggests starting small.
- In 2024 we shall not pick up our phones after 6 p.m.
- Put your phone in a drawer during meals.
- Stick it in the glove box for short car trips.
- Leave it at home when you all walk the dog. Try listening for five different sounds along the way, pointing out five different things that are blue, or checking out the cloud formations is simple and your kids will enjoy the ability to imagine!
If you can’t make dinner, have a nighttime routine, whether it be reading to your kids before bed, or reviewing your day with your spouse.
Whatever is important to your family, turn it into a routine, so being more present with your family becomes a regular way of life. Also, be grateful. If you are not a believer in Jesus, simply take a moment for everyone at the table to give thanks for something in their day. It may stimulate a topic for discussion at dinner.
You must look for ways to carve out "airplane mode" for your family.
Again, most of us know that on your death bed, nobody will ask about how many arrests you made or how many awards you received.
Make moments now, give time to your family and create these moments that turn into incredible lifetime memories.
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The opinions reflected in this article are not necessarily the opinions of LET
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